Initiating is The Antidote to Loneliness
A thriving social life isn't an accident
I lay on the floor of my dark apartment; It was a Friday night, I was supposed to be having fun — where was everyone? I checked Snapchat, auditing the list of friends out enjoying themselves without me — it was so unfair. I stewed in my resentment, frustrated that the people I cared about forgot to include me in their plans. At some point during my pity party, I heard a knock at my door; two of my best friends had decided to pay me a surprise visit! They explained that they were both bored at home and came over to hang out. At that moment I realized my hypocrisy: I blamed others for failing to include me in their plans but was never the one to initiate.
There is an epidemic of loneliness in the US. It's pretty weird given how many people there are; why do so many adults live a friendless life? While the advent of social media plays a role, many people fall into the trap that I did: massively underestimating how often you must be the initiator in order to have friends.
I've heard many lonely people claim that their lack of initiative is a reaction to others’ failure to include them. While this may be true, this rationalization won't fix your social life. Blaming lonely people seems harsh, but it's actually an opportunity; you have the power to fix your issue. I used to avoid reaching out to people because I feared rejection, though this fear was never realized; not once have I asked for someone's time and had a negative experience; Others are often just as thrilled to have a new friend as you are.
I move to California next week and will be building a new social life — I've accepted that, to create new relationships I’ll have to do the heavy lifting. Join me in this journey! Ask strangers to coffee, spend time in places where you are likely to encounter like-minded people, and plan weekly hangouts with your homies.
Initiating is the antidote to loneliness.